The lion tamer led his young apprentice into the cage. “The first thing to remember,” said the older man, “is that if a lion jumps at you, throw something at it.” “And what do I do if there’s nothing to throw?” The lion tamer said, “If a lion jumps at you __ there will be.” ...
A young man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.” The mother agrees. The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house ...
In the backwoods of Kentucky, you don’t see too many people hang-gliding. Ol’ John decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge and into the wind he goes! ...
A lonely frog, desparate for some form of company telephoned the Psychic Hotline to find out what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.” The frog is thrilled and says, “This is great! Where will I ...
Bob says to his friend Bill, “My doctor says if I don’t give up sex, I’ll be dead in a week.” “Why is that?” Bill asks. Bob replies, “I’ve been screwing his wife.” A man goes into the plumbing supply store and says “I bought a bathtub here last week, but it keeps leaking.” The ...
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Many, many years ago when I was twenty-three, I got married to a widow who was as pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very ...
A man was going door-to-door doing a sexual survey in Jeff’s neighborhood. “How often a week do you have sex with your wife?” asked the inquirer. “Three times,” Jeff said without hesitation. “That is once more often than your neighbor,” the inquirer said, writing. “That makes sense,” Jeff said, “after all, she’s my wife.” ...
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. ...
Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was – a damn Motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket … So, I went to him and said: “Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?” He simply ignored ...